Saturday, July 12, 2003
Got this in the email.. thanks Slugger. It's damn funny!!

NAMES TO AVOID FOR YOUR KIDS
>
>
>1) Anne Chang (in Mandarin) - Dirty
>
>
>2) Anne Chin (in Mandarin) - Keep quiet
>
>
>3) Carl Chng (in Hokkein) Buttock
>
>
>4) Carmen Teng (in Hokkein) - Leg hair long
>
>
>5) Corrine Tai (in Hokkein) - Poor fellow
>
>
>6) Faye Chen (in Mandarin) Dusty
>
>
>7) Henry Mah (in Mandarin) - Hate your mum
>
>
>8) Henry Tan (in Hokkein) - Let you wait
>
>
>9) Jane Tan (in Mandarin) - Fried egg
>
>
>10) Judy Soo (in Mandarin) - Fated to lose.
>
>
>11) Leslie Tong (in Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
>
>
>12) Lucy Liaw (in Hokkein) - You are dead
>
>
>13) Michael Tan (in Cantonese) - Selling eggs
>
>
>14) Monica Cheng (in Hokkein) - Touch your buttock
>
>
>15) Nelson Chong (in Mandarin) - Worms-infested bird
>
>
>16) Nelson Tan (in Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
>
>
>17) Paul Chan (in Cantonese) - Bankrupt
>
>
>18) Suzie Leow (in Hokkein) - Lost till death
sublime at 1:53 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2003
BOOK REVIEWS
Short lil reviews that I had to write for work. Just decided to post them here to add some life to this page!

Sarah Sands – Playing the Game
MACMILLAN
Pansing Distribution Sdn Bhd

Patti Ward is a middle-aged super-star broadcaster, who has built her career through constant lying and shameless flirting. Gorgeous, talented and extremely bitchy, she is a riveting villain who provides all the necessary excitement and melodrama in this book. When up- and-coming newcomer, Alexandra Khan, threatens to dethrone her, Patti goes all out to win back her crown. Well-written and fast-paced, this descriptive book provides extremely good entertainment. Other issues such as emotional detachment and career vs. marriage are also subtly explored. Combining substance with fun, this book makes a fabulous read.



Katherine Greyle / Karen Harbaugh / Sabeeha Johnson / Cathy Yardley
Playing With Matches (Four Tales of Modern Matchmaking)
SIGNET
Penguin Books Singapore

Combining the talents of four multi-racial American authors, this book explores match-making in today’s context through four short tales. The main characters in each story may be from different ethnic groups (Chinese, Japanese, Indian and Vietnamese), but they all struggle against the similar tradition of match-making. The stories are effortlessly written and entertaining enough to make a nice and short pre-bedtime read. Pitting the struggles of duty to family and tradition against the quest to find true love and happiness, this book is casual, fun and interesting.

sublime at 1:46 PM

Monday, June 02, 2003
Job Interview Do's and Don'ts
>> Found this while doing research for some articles to be featured in the magazine I'm interning at now. Was trying very hard not to laugh out loud in the office.

By Christian Bladt and Tim Saccardo

In today's economy, getting a job isn't the only problem. Even getting called in for a job interview seems to be getting harder and harder every day. Your friends here at InsideJoke.TV want to make sure that you have the best opportunity to make a good impression on the job interviews you do manage to get, which is why we present the following helpful check list of job interview do's and don'ts.

DO: Show up.
DON'T: Call to let the interviewer know that this is your one phone call from County Lock-up, and could you reschedule for 15 to 20 years from now?

DO: Compliment the facilities and location of the office.
DON'T: Explain how the maintenance crew might need to visit the rest room once you're done in there.

DO: Bring a well-polished resume and several letters of recommendation.
DON'T: Bring "Fat Tony" from the old neighborhood who'll vouch for you as being a "good earner".

DO: Show up early and well-rested so you can be at the top of your game.
DON'T: Ask if he knows where the nearest methadone clinic is.

DO: Be polite, and refer to everyone as "sir" or "ma'am".
DON'T: Kidney-punch everyone and call them "jerk-wad" and "dork-face".

DO: Make sure to have eaten before your interview to avoid any embarrassing stomach noises.
DON'T: Ask them if they wouldn't mind having the chef whip up half a rack of ribs.

DO: Leave yourself plenty of time to make sure that you get there early.
DON'T: Ask if they wouldn't mind paying the cab driver who's been driving in circles all day because you had no idea how to find the place.

DO: Bring several extra copies of your resume just in case.
DON'T: Bring several extra copies of the latest porno magazine you've posed for.

DO: Greet your prospective employer with a firm handshake.
DON'T: Greet your prospective employer with a firm hard-on.

DO: Discuss the extent of your education.
DON'T: Mention how most East Coast rap is whack but Eminem keeps it real.

DO: Compile a list of former jobs and why you left them.
DON'T: Write up a list of former girlfriends and why they left you.

DO: Buy a new suit and try to look sharp.
DON'T: Wear a pair of gold Hammer pants and a Christmas sweater with reindeer on it.

DO: Try to impress the interviewers with your strong vocabulary.
DON'T: Use words you don't know and say things like "I am a very combustible xenophobe."





sublime at 1:15 AM

Thursday, May 08, 2003
talkingcock.com : Pictures of the war

Its so lame.. its funny! :)
sublime at 12:56 PM

Tuesday, May 06, 2003
I'm tired. If anyone actually reads this site, tag me. If not.. I'll be taking a break from posting stuff here. Time to concentrate on partying and the holidays. :)
sublime at 2:13 PM

Sunday, April 27, 2003
HAHA!

A good one that says it all.


sublime at 12:55 PM

Friday, April 25, 2003
Psych Test:

This is a question from a real psychological test:

A girl, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did
not
know. She thought this guy was amazing. So much did she believe him to
be
her dream guy,
that she fell in love with him there and then. A few days later, the
girl
killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

-
-
-
-
wait wait.. think about your own answer first!!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If
you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. sg ToThis was
a
test by a famous American psychologist, and used to test if One has the
same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in
this
test and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly - good for you.

IF ANY OF YOU GOT IT CORRECT.. please stay away.



sublime at 2:35 PM

Saturday, April 19, 2003
Check this out. its soo funny.

All thanks to Gen for the site :).. an excellent cure for exam stress.
sublime at 12:09 PM

Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Things all guys should know about girls:
From a forwarded e-mail from Weiling.. I don't necessarily agree with everything.. but I do with most ;)

1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want
relationships.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
16. We are DrAmA queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21.We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not.
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful at all times.
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.


sublime at 9:27 AM

Saturday, April 12, 2003
Speaka da Englisha
A lame joke my dad forwarded to my mom.. who forwarded it on to my brother and myself. Haha..

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives........."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

sublime at 12:08 PM

Scanner Squishing

Yet another site from Marcus, this particular page is really interesting.. it shows stuff being squished in a scanner (apparently). The mouse one at the top right hand corner cannot be real because there isn't any blood..but I'm not too sure about the terrapin one. Kinda gross if it's real.

Check out the whole site and its links. It's a good site to be at if you're extremely free, bored, and like this kinda nonsense that I like. :)
sublime at 11:52 AM

You are what you drink at Starbucks??

Check out this cool site that my friend Marcus sent to me.

This were my 'results':

Personality type: Clueless
You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink Cafe Mocha Tall are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

How untrue. I go often..but I always order tall mocha frap. Hahhaa..
Try typing in orange juice. Classic.

sublime at 10:55 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2003
A tribute to Mini Eggs
By yours truly, P.S. And no, I wasn't paid to write this..it was written with 100% TLC for my stress-food snack of the season. Er yes..I was under immense stress from work when I wrote this cheesy piece..so..yes. Excuse me.

Mini Eggs oh Mini Eggs, I write for you this song.
If I had a choice, I'd eat you all day long.

But I can't do that because of the extra pounds
Ohh..I love it, the way your cracking shell sounds.

Soft chocolate on the inside, coloured shell outside hard,
If you could read this, I'd have written it in a card.

When I am sick, you make me feel well.
Unfortunately, you also make my tummy swell.

85grams of chocolatey fun,
When my days are dark, the Mini Eggs are my sun.

sublime at 3:15 PM

Saturday, April 05, 2003
Colorgenics
Interesting personality test. This is what they derived of me... I can't say I disagree.

The Crossroads
This is the inviting and welcoming personality type that is most well known for recreational activities and general partying. Always happy in a crowd, the Crossroads love to converse, to relate, and above all to have fun.

This personality tends to think in a more holistic approach than many of the other personality types, covering ground piece by piece in a hodgepodge fashion rather than following a single line of logic from beginning to end. Like a crow they are attracted to shiny objects, new ideas, playful exciting colors and the thrill of a new personal relationship.
sublime at 10:47 AM

Tuesday, April 01, 2003
On a lighter note...
Here's a joke that I got thru e-mail.. thanks Janey, it cracked me up. :)


People often ask for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the
following analogies will help clear it up:

1.* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
"I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

2.* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's
fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.

3.* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed."

That's Telemarketing.

4.* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and
straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,
"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against
his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.

5.* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you
and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition.

6.* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into
going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

7.* Your friend can't satisfy him so she calls you.

That's Tech Support.

8.* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could
be handsome men in all these houses you're passing.** So you climb
onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of
your lungs,"I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Spam.

sublime at 12:49 AM

Friday, March 28, 2003
Q2. What is SARS?

SARS is the short form for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome.

SARS is an atypical pneumonia for which the cause has not yet been determined


Q3. What are the symptoms of SARS?

You may have SARS if you have the following:

1) High fever (more than 38 deg C) AND

2) One or more of these: Cough, shortness of breath, difficulty breathing

Q4. Is SARS contagious? What does close contact mean?

The infection can spread to persons who have had close contact with an infected person. Close contact is defined as having cared for, or lived with or having repeated physical contact with the infected person with symptoms. Based on information so far, contact with exhaled droplets and bodily secretions from an infected person appear to be important.

Most of the cases in Singapore were family members and friends, and healthcare workers who had come into close contact with the patients, and who had attended to the patients when they were first admitted to the hospital. It is now known that without the symptoms of SARS, an infected person is not contagious.

Q5. How fast does SARS spread?

SARS appears to be less infectious than influenza. The incubation period is short, estimated to range from two to seven days.

A person who has close contact with SARS cases will be deemed safe from the disease if he does not develop the symptoms after 10 days.

Q7. What is the treatment for SARS?

Patients should be placed in an isolated unit. Strict respiratory and mucosal barrier nursing is recommended. Health care workers and visitors should wear the appropriate personal protective equipment (PPE) when in close contact with the infected person. Whilst some medicines have been tried, no drug can, at this time be recommended for prevention or treatment. Good supportive care has proven sufficient in a number of cases.

Q11. What should I do if I have been in contact with SARS case?

See your personal physician immediately for an evaluation. Alternatively, seek help your local health authority designated screening centre. For example in Singapore, the designated center is Tan Tock Seng Hospital.


sublime at 11:58 PM

Monday, March 24, 2003
Ripped off Sharlene's blog:

I got this article off my friend's blog.. I'm sure most of you received the email with the picture of the 2 girls smooching in the class photo. Well.. check this article out. I found it mildly amusing.
sublime at 12:14 PM

Sunday, March 16, 2003
Joke.. from my pal Choon Kit:
Its quite dumb.. but I laughed. Hmm. So sue me.

Once it so happend in a flight that, James bond was sitting
besides a Telugu guy from India. Both were travelling to the
United States.
Smart Telugu guy initiates a conversation.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your good name please?"

James Bond: "I am Bond.. James Bond."

James Bond: "and you?"

Telugu Guy: "I am Sai...
Venkata Sai...
Siva Venkata Sai...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
sublime at 10:53 PM

ARSE OR ELBOW?

Thanks for the site Weisoon :)
sublime at 11:21 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2003
The Onion

Once again, my favourite "news source" strikes again with this article: Ted Turner Sends Self Back In Time To Prevent AOL Time-Warner Merger.

Here's a part of the piece that I found particularly funny:

"From what we understand, the machine acts only on living human flesh," Turner spokesman Marty Wells said. "If Mr. Turner has been successful, he has materialized in January 2000 completely nude, with no ID or money, save for a few billion dollars in Year 2000-value Time Warner stock. To survive, he'll need to steal clothing and rely on whatever crude weapons he can fashion with his bare hands."

Market watchers have expressed skepticism about Turner's chances.

sublime at 3:08 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2003
The Dirty Past

You know how people sometimes talk about skeletons in the closet? Ala the dirty linen? AKA Stuff that should never be seen when one becomes famous? Well, how about a whole website full of this stuff.. hahah yes..thanks to Marcus, I just visited Metal Sludge Exposed.. and it's quite hilarious. Check out the Linkin Park/Limp Bizkit/Marilyn Manson ones...really.. if I ever become famous, I'll make sure I hide all those unglam pictures where no one can ever find them.
sublime at 10:23 AM

Sunday, March 09, 2003
Delicious Rambles: Aloy's
Soo, I've been recently given permission to rip chunks of stuff written by my friends off their blogs. Here's one from Aloysius that I particularly enjoyed. I think he wrote it sometime during our JC days.


Today Was A Real Fun Day


Today was a real fun day. Yes it was. I swear. In the morning I take the bus to school. At the bus-stop I chanced upon this cat. It was a really pretty cat that was kinda Siamese Gingerish. Its pedigree dad probably jumped in a sack with a stray moggy and it resulted in this weird pretty cat. That’s what you get when you let the cat out of the bag. They breed. Anyway, it looked at me kinda blankly and I said hi but it didn’t reply. I couldn’t believe how rude it was so I gave it some of the skittles I was eating. I like eating candy in the early mornings. It kills the germs in your mouth. Really, I swear. My Uncle Tobi told me so. I miss Uncle Tobi. Anyway, the cat gobbled up a mouthful consisting of two yellows and a green. Pretty soon it started making wheezing noises kinda like when you sock someone’s throat in. And it got all choked up and stuff and it puked out the crap in its mouth. It looked pretty pained after that so I decided to give it some more skittles. But this time I gave it a purple, a red, an orange and a green. It ate them up but it started wheezing again. It stopped soon after but by then it had decided to take a nap. The nerve of some animals. Seeing that it was not going to thank me for the candy I went to board my bus. On the bus I went to my usual seat as usual up next to the bus-driver. Now they want us to call them bus captains but I know better. They don’t even know what bus means. I like to sit next to the driver so that I can talk to him about the latest ‘Gotcha’ gags that I caught on the early morning reruns. Every morning the bus driver gives me the same puzzled reply of “bus pass”. I don’t understand how they can be so stupid. They probably don’t even know how to add the fares that people put in those fare bins. Anyway I got irritated and I pulled a quick one over him seeing how dumb he was. I distracted him with one of my amazing magic tricks and ran to the back of the bus. I don’t have to pay the bus fare when I do that. But of course I don’t because I have a bus stamp which I used to mail to SBS. Now that’s thinking. I make it a point to beat all the people on the bus to the bell just before they reach it. I get a big kick out of it. Especially when no one actually wants to get down. The bus driver usually turns around and yells at us but we all know it’s the primary three kid sitting next to me who’s at fault because I always look at him and shake my head disapprovingly. Kids are so dumb. After about six or twenty stops I decided to get off and bug the bus driver who’s driving the bus on the opposite route. I decided not to go to school after all. The other bus driver had never seen me before and it turned out that it was Moe Alkaff. So he got all my jokes about the gags on Gotcha although he shook his head quite a few times and seemed like he was going to cry when we talked about Gotcha. He said something about it not paying much and it being the cause of him having to drive buses now. I told him that it’s alright and I consoled him. I told him that such an intelligent show like Gotcha wouldn’t need him anyway and he’s perfect for the job of a bus driver since he’s so dumb and all. I always like to make people feel better. It’s good for the soul y’know.



sublime at 4:13 AM

Monday, March 03, 2003
If war happens...

This is what might happen. Its really long winded, but the best part is towards the end. Check it out.

When Barney goes Kabloooey!

My heart skipped a beat.

Nun Bowling

Absolutely impossible to hit all of them down.
sublime at 7:58 AM

You won't believe who forwarded me this e-mail

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock.
As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the
farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock:"Welcome to join me, we will
work together towards productivity."

Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are
old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help
you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be
mine. Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a
competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if

I loose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock : 50 metre run. From here to that tree. But
due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10
metres.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old
cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 metres mark
the Young cock chases him with all his might. Soon enough, he was
behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ..... before he could overtake the Old cock, he was
shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,"Holy Cow! This is the
fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week!"

THE MORAL OF THE STORY :
NEVER UNDER-ESTIMATE AN OLD COCK .

--- My mom sent it.

sublime at 7:12 AM

Sunday, March 02, 2003


Delicious special: Thai food!

This is a really cool website which features everything you need to know about Thai food, from the ingredients involved, to the recipes. You can even order the stuff online from this site, the Temple Of Thai. I was trying to find out for my friend how to cook a certain thai curry dish and apparently, it isn't difficult at all! Check it out if you've got an appetite that appreciates the spicy!!
sublime at 5:37 AM

Saturday, March 01, 2003
Rude game: click here to play

This is only fun if you're REALLY bored. Still. Hahaha.. gosh. The things people come up with. Eak!


sublime at 12:02 PM

Tuesday, February 25, 2003


this is the flower yen designed!
sublime at 1:11 PM

Moods
Thanks again Wendy.. this one cracked me up.

THE MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.


THE MOODS OF A MAN


Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

-- Wahahahahah!!


sublime at 12:48 PM

Real reasons for attack?





Taken off: BrownTown by Mr. Brown
sublime at 10:08 AM

Back to the good old days..Re-reading Roald Dahl's best.

George's Marvellous Medicine
Nothing's better than reading this book when you're in a bad mood about anything. I'm sure those who've read it before (even if it was 10 years ago) would remember the gist of the story? Yeah George makes this medicine from all the crap he can find in his house and feeds it to his grandmother -- who happens to be a terrible old hag-- so not in tune with our asian culture of revering the elders huh? There's a rebel for you. Maybe if the governement realizes how it goes against out "values" they'll ban the book. I love it though. For sadists, young and old.

James and the Giant Peach
Hey, we can all have fantasies of green wriggly magic worms, and peaches bigger than houses can't we? In this book.. adults are featured as horrible people once again (well the main adults anyway). James has two horrendous and bitchy aunties who treat him like crap, but he manages to escape one day. If only real life could be so simple.. Escaping in a giant peach with a bunch of lively 6 feet tall insects that speak with a brit accent and are extremely good tempered and nice.. how ideal. Catch the movie version if you can. I actually prefer it to the book.

Matilda
Once again. The theme of terrible adults is retained. I think that was Roald Dahl's main appeal..the "hate all adults" approach to writing books. I guess it gives him the window which he needs to somehow connect with children.. either that or he had a terrible childhood. :D kidding. Matilda is a girl we all wish we were ( i mean.. girls. if there's a boy nodding his head out there, i'd suggest you get some help). A child prodigy who could read before she could walk, with the intelligence of probably more than two lecturers at my university combined, she's amazing.

Fantastic Mr Fox
Now, we see humans being protrayed as the "baddie", but hey thats one cool fox. A smart and ingenious read. I must say I'm still impressed with the stories that Dahl managed to come up with.

The Twits
Classic Dahl.. absolutely classic. I still can't help sniggering aloud when I read this book. Again, the horrible people theme... vs the nice monkey family and a zillion birds. The most vile children's books characters ever to be created are the twits. Not only are they ugly, they're disgusting and just.. plain.. gross. I'll never forget the description of Mr Twit snacking on the bits of food stuck in his beard whenever he gets peckish. yeech!


sublime at 2:44 AM

Local Humour/Satire At Its Best!

Talking Cock :To speak rubbish or nonsense. Probably originates from the English phrase “cock and bull”. “Sing Song” is added for emphasis. “Talk Cock” by itself also has the more benign meaning of “casual banter” or “chatting”. ----hhaahhaa..

I like the dictionary and the articles and.. well almost everything on the site.

Here's and article from them that has been much appreciated by people like me.

sublime at 2:41 AM

From a forwarded email--very funny, and quite true..but not usually this dramatic:

The Stance
> > > My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a
> > > little girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me
> > > to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then,
> > > she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover
> > > the seat.
> > >
> > > Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a
> > > public toilet seat." And she'd demonstrate "The
> > > Stance," which consisted of balancing over the
> > > toilet in a sitting position without actually
> > > letting any of your flesh make contact with the
> > > toilet seat.
> > >
> > > But by this time, I'd have peed down my leg. And
> > > we'd go home.
> > >
> > > That was a long time ago. I've had lots of
> > > experience with public toilets since then, but I'm
> > > still not particularly fond of public toilets,
> > > especially those with powerful, red-eye sensors.
> > > Those toilets know when you want them to flush.
> > > They are psychic toilets. But I always confuse
> > > their psychic ability by following my mother's
> > > advice and assuming The Stance.
> > >
> > > The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain
> > > when one's bladder is especially full. This is most
> > > likely to occur after watching a full-length
> > > feature film. During the movie pee, it is nearly
> > > impossible to hold The Stance. You know what I mean.
> > > You drink a two liter cup of Diet Coke, then sit
> > > still through a three-hour saga because, for God's
> > > sake, even if you didn't wipe or wash your hands in
> > > the bathroom, you'd still miss the pivotal part of
> > > the movie or the second scene, in which they flash
> > > the leading man's naked derriere.
> > >
> > > So, you cross your legs and you hold it. And you
> > > hold it until that first credit rolls and you sprint
> > > to the bathroom, about ready to explode all over
> > > your internal organs. And at the bathroom, you find
> > > a line of women that makes you think there's a
> > > half-price sale on Mel Gibson's underwear in there.
> > >
> > > So, you wait and smile politely at all the other
> > > ladies,
> > > also crossing their legs and smiling politely.
> > >
> > > And you finally get closer. You check for feet
> > > under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. You
> > > hope no one is doing frivolous things behind those
> > > stall doors, like blowing her nose or checking the
> > > contents of her wallet.
> > >
> > > Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly
> > > knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get
> > > in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
> > > You hang your handbag on the door hook, yank down
> > > your pants and assume The Stance.
> > >
> > > Relief. More relief.
> > >
> > > Then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit
> > > down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe
> > > the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The
> > > Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would
> > > register an eight on the Richter scale.
> > >
> > > To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet
> > > paper. Might as well be ready when you are done. The
> > > toilet paper dispenser is empty.
> > >
> > > Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny napkin
> > > you wiped your fingers on after eating buttered
> > > popcorn. It would have to do. You crumble it in the
> > > puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your
> > > thumbnail.
> > >
> > > Someone pushes open your stall door because the
> > > latch doesn't work and your pocketbook whams you in
> > > the head.
> > >
> > > "Occupied!" you scream as you reach out for the
> > > door, dropping your buttered popcorn napkin in a
> > > puddle and falling backward, directly onto the
> > > toilet seat !
> > >
> > > You get up quickly, but it's too late. Your bare
> > > bottom has made contact with all the germs and life
> > > forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down
> > > toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you
> > > had enough time to.
> > >
> > > And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if
> > > she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a
> > > public toilet seat because, frankly, "You don't know
> > > what kind of diseases you could get."
> > >
> > > And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back
> > > of the toilet is so confused that it flushes,
> > > sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and
> > > then it suddenly sucks everything down with such
> > > force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser
> > > for fear of being dragged to China.
> > >
> > > At that point, you give up. You're finished peeing.
> > > You're soaked by the splashing water. You're
> > > exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper
> > > you found in your pocket, then slink out
> > > inconspicuously to the sinks.
> > >
> > > You can't figure out how to operate the sinks with
> > > the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with
> > > spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of
> > > women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to
> > > smile politely at this point.
> > >
> > > One kind soul at the very end of the line points out
> > > that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on
> > > your shoe as long as the Mississippi River.
> > >
> > > You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the
> > > woman's hand and say warmly, "Here. You might need
> > > this."
> > >
> > > At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered,
> > > used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War
> > > and Peace while waiting for you.
> > > "What took you so long?" he asks, annoyed.
> > >
> > > This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and go
> > > home.
> > >
> > > This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have
> > > ever had to deal with a public toilet.
> > >
> > > And it finally explains to all you men what takes us
> > > so long.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Re-Reading: Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle

Just finished reading this book after lunch today.. I will be re-reading it at least once every two years till I get sick of it.. cos I doubt I ever will!!
Its so damn fantastic.. I just love the way its written. No chapters, no segments..no inverted commas for dialogue. Just words and more words which tell the story.. and its so well written that you don't even need those segments you see in many books (like "summer 2000" that kinda crap). A story told by a boy living in Ireland in the 60's I think. About growing up, and leaving childhood behind. School, family, friends, play, place, people, neighbours. Love, hate, friendship, fights, tears, pain. Everything. Insecurity, embarassment.. and all the thoughts and emotions that a young boy experiences while he's trying to grasp the realities of the world and the pains of growing up.



sublime at 2:39 AM

Interesting Website

There's a 10minute video there showing the possible tecnologically-filled way of life in the future..with cheesy storyline and all as well. I think its interesting and pretty cool the way they did it. Worth visiting if you've got nothing better to do. Oh yeah do note that Bangkok is SO not like that.. strange that these people can make a magnificent video, but they didn't even making Bangkok look realistically like what it is today. Maybe they expect that the techno-rev will turn Bangkok into Chiang Mai? hehe.. pfft!


sublime at 2:38 AM

EVER WONDERED...
Something from a forwarded email which I think is pretty funny. All the comments were already there in case you though it was from me.. Haha.. enjoy

Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use whilesleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread
Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) <--this one cracked me up

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning:contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

sublime at 2:37 AM

Hilarious stuff from : LiquidGeneration.com

Its a site full of flash files, nasty comments and some games here and there.
I like this bogus news section that they have.. "Suck My News". Click here to view one of the reports that I particularly enjoyed. Especially because I like Avril.. and I can't stand the rest of them.
You guys should also check out the movie reviews.. the Harry Potter one was so lame, it made me laugh out loud.

Dry Humour: The Harvard Lampoon

I don't know why I seem to enjoy stuff like this so much. Its so "Ha Ha" but. I like it. haha :)

EXTRACT OFF THEIR WEB:
Today, with adult education on the rise, and senior citizens enrolling in all the self-improvement programs they can find, it is becoming harder and harder to confuse the elderly. To help you adjust, I've collected twelve sure-fire ways to confuse your grandmother and set them down here. I hope they prove useful.


What you do: Tell your grandmother that your grandfather is gay.
Grandma: 'Oh yes, he's a merry old fellow all right...'
You: 'No, Grandma, "gay" means "dead."'


What you do: Take your grandmother to a gay bar.
Grandma: 'Why are all those men dancing with each other?'
You: 'Those aren't men, Grandma - those are holograms.'


What you do: Take your grandmother to a gay porno film.
Grandma: 'Oh my word!'
You: 'So, Grandma - how do you like Nintendo?'


and the list goes on......
sublime at 2:37 AM

A Hilarious Site

Here's a site that's witty, satirical, sarcastic and very entertaining.

Brown Town

Its by a normal local guy who notes the littlest of things.. Kinda like an asian Jerry Seinfeld.

I love the gallery especially. Very bitchy.


sublime at 2:36 AM

Does art have any limits?

Check this stuff out: Menstrual Paintings

EVERYTHING is useful in this day and age. Even... menstrual blood. *shudder*
Its very disgusting... but I must say.. she is pretty talented.

Once you get over the fact that it is blood.. it can actually be considered as really.. pretty.

Artist's statement:
"I publish the works not to persuade or convince viewers to like them, but to make a political statement about non-traumatic blood, which the media excludes. Politically, the menstrual paintings can be thought of in contrast to violent bloodshed delivered in doses in the media. Although blood is blood, the blood of the menstrual cycle is different in that it is natural and unrelated to disease or dominance -- weapons, torture, trauma and crime. Yet, it is hidden and not supposed to be seen."

Some things are just not meant to be seen my dear.

sublime at 2:35 AM

Extremely subjective book recommendations by me! taken from my other website

Paddy Clarke HaHaHa - Roddy Doyle
Read this book a while back..but I totally enjoyed it.. about an Irish kid growing up.. first book that got me hooked on Irish authors.. I don't know what it is about the humour that tickles me silly. Did lend this book to a friend.. he said he didn't really get it.. so he quit halfway!! Bummer. hahah i love it tho!

The Only Boy For Me -Gil McNeil
It was compared to Paddy Clarke HaHaHa in the comments on the back of the book that's why i eagerly grabbed it.. and although it wasn't really like the other book, it had an appeal of its own. Story revolves around a boy and his mom(and some of her men..) and its just a sweet book, with moments that'll make you wanna laugh out loud. Warning: Try not to read on the MRT. Might look insane from laffin to yaself.

Simply Divine - Wendy Holden
Brit trashy girl book.. fun to read..but i prefer her other one.. "Bad Heir Day".. yeah check out the lame titles..but hahah who cares when they're so funny. Anyway, this book circles around a very glamorous socialites.. kinda interesting..just makes us wonder if its true.. then you start to wish you were like them *bimbotic laughter*.. happy ending and all.. perfect book for the pool/beach

Trying to Save Piggy Sneed--John Irving
Odd collection of short stories.. grabbed it random off the library shelves (save $$).. supposedly highly acclaimed.. but well.. I don't think its that great. Although the short stories last just nicely for a leisurely read on the 'throne' if u know wut i mean..

The Snapper -- Roddy Doyle
My goodness!! Why are Irish authors so bloodeh funneh? (yeah they spell like that in the book) well anyway..I'm only halfway thru this book and its HILARIOUS.. really don't feel like putting it down..but must read slowly n savour a bit.. otherwise it feels like the money is wasted.. haha.. its just about a so-called typical irish family and the normal stuff they do everyday..but its so funny! New exclaimation word learnt from the book "Jaysis" (for Jesus..) -- OK i finished it the next night.. couldn't put the book down till i was done.. its brilliant!

Water Melon - Marian Keyes
Not too bad..but I think it would suit a 30-yr-old woman better.. story is about a woman whose husband left her on the day that she gave birth. Quite funny here and there..but I didn't particularly enjoy it.. oh well.

Me talk Pretty One Day -- David Sedaris
Friggin' hilarious! A MUST READ



sublime at 2:34 AM

Bored?

Check out this site

A total waste of time..but good for a bit of shits and giggles.

sublime at 2:33 AM

Anti-homophobia site

Well, I'm not speaking for myself or anything. I'm pretty neutral towards homophobics as well as homosexuals.
I just think that this is a very interesting website:

Fuck Homophobia
sublime at 2:32 AM

From "My Documents" to yours.

Darn...just realised that the place where I'm putting the pix doesn't allow hot linking. So...the only way is to cut and paste the web address.. Oh well! This is if anyone can be bothered to I guess!

Here's the wallpaper I'm using now. Got it off the quiksilver site a few months back. It isn't there anymore so grab it here. Its of Kelly Slater looking uber cool and relaxed. : http://retiredchildprodigy.0catch.com/poster-kellyslater.jpg

This is a pic of a weird cloud formation taken at Sembawang the evening my friends and I went wake-boarding. I think it looks like a giraffe.. one of my moronic friends says it looks like a huge dick. What the... : http://retiredchildprodigy.0catch.com/PICT0058.JPG

Here's a pic I took during bio lab.. No I'm not a science student. Its for cross faculty stuff. Anyway, its of tubes, and I used the negative art function on my digital camera.. the rack was actually plain boring blue. Its wonderful what the effects can do: http://retiredchildprodigy.0catch.com/negativeart.JPG


sublime at 2:28 AM

FUNNY AS HELL

Check out these home made movies.
Done by a guy I've known since I was 10..

I especially enjoyed the "PV Crew" -- It's filmed in my condo.. PV stands for Pandan Valley...and all the guys in the vid either lived in PV before...or use to hang out here everyday. Notice the security guard got cut out of one of the scenes.. hahahahahaha... and the last part.. of Leo (the sex bomb) tripping?? Priceless.

I think its nice that they have stuff like this to look back on next time.. its a nice way to remember the past..costly as well. But..nice.

After thoughts:
I just checked out the Changi Project thing... I was laughing like shit the whole way. OMG. These guys are freakin' insane.



sublime at 2:27 AM

More interesting reads from the net: The Onion

More bogus articles.. not satirical... not really political.. just bullshitting taken to the extreme. I'd almost call it a sport in this case. How could I have forgotten to recommend it here? Wooo.. use to have a tear-away calendar from them.. I loved it.

An article headline from the latest issue reads:

"Ghost of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions of PlayStation 5"
sublime at 2:26 AM

HAHA!!

Check this site out..its nasty-funny!!: The White House

I found these 2 sections particularly hilarious:

"NON-WHITE CHILDREN! SIGN UP NOW TO WIN YOUR CHANCE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WITH PRESIDENT & MRS. BUSH!"
How wrong.. tsk tsk. hahaha

ABSTINENCE ROCKS
Young People! Are millions of years of the myth of "evolution" whispering fevered pornographic commands to your hormone-engorged genitals? Well don't listen! Instead, First Lady Laura Bush suggests you "tune in" to her good friends, the multi-platinum rock music players SATANICIDE, and their new libido-crushing anthem of patriotic teen abstinence, "Keep It In Your Pants!"

Enjoy! :)


sublime at 2:26 AM

Prove that NUS sucks:

Check out this petition site written by students of NUS. Amazingly true and so well written.

For all NUS students who are sick of ballotting and the system, please go leave your name there.

I've not done so because I actually got ALL the modules I wanted this semester.. (for once)!

Afterthoughts:

Okay I added my name.. I'm #455. But I'm chicken..so I semi blanked out my matric number. hahah..
sublime at 2:25 AM

Singapore bashing.

Here's an interesting article regarding Singapore, written by an American.

click here

"There is no slack in Singapore. Imagine an Asian version of Zurich operating as an offshore capsule at the foot of Malaysia; an affluent microcosm whose citizens inhabit something that feels like, well, Disneyland. Disneyland with the death penalty."


-- ouch...should e-mail to the PAP huh?
sublime at 2:24 AM

Check out this site: Give Boobs

An extract off the site:
"I made this site because I have been considering breast augmentation for many years and would like support getting there. I do just fine with padded bras (BestForm hidden pushups, 34A), but I think augmented boobs look nice, and I think a lot of other people do too.

However, I've never gone through with it because even though I think they look great, others have told me that fake boobs are too expensive and even UGLY.

That's when I figured I would let the world vote. If somebody likes augmented breasts enough, they will add a tiny amount to my breast fund. If they do not, they will leave and my boob fund will stay zero. If the boob fund ever reaches $4,500 (the current going rate), then I will have proof that the world loves large shapely breasts as much as I do, and I will go get my breasts augmented. And nobody will be able to say that I wasted money or that nobody thinks bigger boobs are better! The fate of my boobs are in your hands! "

Her boob fund is at $3,000+++already (!!!).. are fake boobs really all that??? Superficiality at its HIGHEST level. Weirdo weirdo weirdo.. thanks for the site Imran.. :)


sublime at 2:23 AM

SHAG art

I have the Shag wall calendar and I think its GORGEOUS! Finally got about checking out the website and it's quite cool. The gallery shows all the extremely cool art that Shag (joSH AGle) has done up to date. It's so stylish and sleek, and the colours are so different and just pretty.

These depictions of a mythical "Swinger's Life," with the requisite women, cocktails, lounges and sports cars, are sought after by collectors worldwide, including the obligatory Movie Stars, Rock Stars and Hollywood Producers eager to hang "Shag Art" on their walls. --- even the ordinary people like me seek it as well. Unfortunately its expensive and hard to get. Worth checking out anyway!
sublime at 2:22 AM

Monday, February 17, 2003

/ P. S. // 4:15 PM

Good stuff.
This is from an email that Mandy sent.. pretty cool.


These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with
the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:


Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you because I was pissed


I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother


Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are
you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.


Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face


Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not


I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face


I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life


I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming


My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way


My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"


What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
Say something!


sublime at 2:19 AM

Just shifted some of the stuff over to this site.. in hope of neatening things.
trying to figure out the template so forgive me if it's messy!
sublime at 2:02 AM